For those who’ve asked: I’ve been busy. Really, really busy.
When we returned from our cruise, I had a doctor’s appointment the following Monday. I was feeling dizzy before the cruise, so my husband went with me to see a different neurologist for a second opinion. My family doctor recommended this since we were dealing with the brain. Boy, am I glad we did. It seems that the first neurologist was being very conservative and didn’t tell me everything found in the MRI. Yes, there was a tumor. It might be Mr. Miyagi the Meningioma, but what it also could be is a Leptomeningeal Metastatic Lesion of the Dura.
Things became real serious real fast. A Leptomeningeal Metastatic Lesion is a tumor caused from a cancer somewhere that has already metastasized. I was sent immediately for a chest x-ray and boob squeeze mammogram for a start. I also walked out the neurologist that day and got the news from my attorney that I won the domain name dispute that had been filed against one of my websites. I couldn’t feel victorious about the arbitration because not only has it financially devastated my family, but I didn’t see it as a win or lose situation, as it wasn’t a game to me. I also knew that this still wouldn’t get certain people to quit harassing and threatening me. Boy was I right. Not two days later, they sent me another threat and I can predict they’ll send another when they read this. I don’t care about those people anymore and I really wish they would move on and get over it. I have to worry about myself and whether I have three months to live or if I’ll one day enjoy the life of a retiree.
Here it is a few weeks later and I’ve been seeing an oncologist. I’ve had more blood taken from me than any character from Twilight or True Blood could consume. I’ve been through lots of tests and I have lots more to go. But, I am still planning my future as if nothing is going on. It isn’t denial, just more of a security blanket for my sanity that I can get through this and get back to Life. The good news is, the oncologist is on top of things and he’s pretty confident that I’ll be okay, but brain surgery may be in my future.
This sounds morbid, but I’ve been going through all of my things and cleaning out every closet and drawer in my home, just in case. I don’t know what will happen in the coming weeks and I don’t want to leave clutter for my husband and mom to have to go through. I’ve decorated my house for the biggest Christmas ever too. I’ve been getting up earlier each day and making hot chocolate with whipped cream on top for the kids to enjoy before school. My husband even gave up his seat at the LSU game so that I could attend with both kids (we only have 3 tickets).
I’ve learned to say NO. I’ve learned about role reversal, meaning instead of me being the one to help out, I am the one being helped. I’m very independent and accepting assistance is really hard for me. I’ve also been reminded just how small of a city I live in and how news travels fast. I think every church in this city has me on their prayer list and I am very grateful for their thoughts. People I never would have expected have come up to me to offer a word of encouragement, a squeeze of the shoulder, or a hug. On the other hand, a few people have surprised me with their silence or indifference. I’ve learned that I am more than a brand name. I am me, whether I am associated with a particular blog or not and that people value me for me.
I do want to thank each and every one of you who have been a part of my life, either virtually or in real life. I appreciate the comments made on this blog and any of my blogs and websites. Inside, I just don’t feel like I have some terminal illness, so I’m confident and hopeful that I’ll be at SxSw, the next Blog World Expo, and experience many more trips. I’ll serve many more early morning hot chocolates to my kids, sit on my patio sipping Community Coffee with my husband and hopefully enjoy another cruise. And, I’m going to continue to make fun of my mom’s driving (yes, Mom, it IS worse than waterboarding).
Do me a favor. Don’t wait for a special occasion to enjoy Champagne. Celebrate every day.